I think I have been soul searching lately or something. Not myself as a person though, more myself as the illustrator I would like to be. I've been looking at what I have done in the past few years, I see the improvement, but I've always come to see the limitation of the style I have been using.

Not all of the styles though, I think anything I do in a very cartoony manner doesn't limit me. but the more generic stuff does though. I've always wanted to venture more into the semi-realistic, but in a caricature kind of realistic. I'm explaining it badly, but I think Scott Gustafson's and Peter de Sève's style represent it best. THAT is the feeling I want out of my work: where you know it's not 100% realistic, because it's caricature, but if FEELS realistic enough for us to be able to relate to it.

But for all this time, I never tried it. Because I honestly thought I didn't have the skills. After finishing my last painting (The Fruit remake) it left me a sour taste in the mouth. I HATED it. I didn't hate it because of the render or the idea of even the colour. I still think I pulled off a lot of great things in that painting... BUT it's generic, it's static, it's almost emotionless and the message doesn't carry itself.

I want emotions, I want... me! I can pick a few things I have done that is closer to what I want: The burglar cat, the Star Princess and the Hedgehog king among a few. They carry something not only magical, but emotional, we want to know what is coming next. (not saying that I got perfect notes with these, I know they have mistakes but they are closer).

I'm thinking that my "pretty generic" style is stopping me from getting what I want. And I've been stopping myself from trying the semi-realistic style just because I was scared of failing at it.

I probably will too.

But I least I tried and will continue to try until I get it right. I want a illustration portfolio that will allow me to get work. What I have been doing is not enough to get that.

Yesterday... I tried something! It's sketchy and very much unfinished though, but I like it! It's that much closer to what I would like and not only this, but I think these life drawing classes I have been attending weekly are definitely paying off and that it shows in this one! *makes a small happy dance*